Jennyinabottle's Blog

Past Time

Blog For Free!

2015 March
2014 April
2013 September
2013 February
2012 November
2012 September
2012 August
2012 March
2012 January
2011 November
2011 August
2010 July
2010 May
2010 April
2010 February
2010 January
2009 November
2009 August
2009 May
2009 February
2009 January
2008 October
2008 August
2008 July

My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images

Create a Blog!

My Journal
03.12.15 (2:14 pm)   [edit]

It has been quite a while. I've been busy doing lots of stuff. I got lot of things in my head to do but sometimes, time constraints. Still adjusting with my motherhood thingy, being a wife and a full time employee. Sometimes, it's tiring. I haven't had enough sleep for a long time. And few months ago, I suffered from a terrible headache then some discomforts. The medicines I take didn't work for me and that made me visit hospital oftentimes. I still have 1 appointment that I didn't attend to because they cannot trace the causes of my discomforts and pains anyway. I stop taking the medicines and just let this thing come and go up to this time but God is sustaining me. TYL! And strange that despite of this, there is indescribable joy in heart.

One of the thing that interest me this time is cooking. And I am learning it through cooking websites. I was able to introduced new to our taste, to my husband. Even my daughter is loving it.

Another thing I learned is crocheting. I made pairs of shoe, poncho and caps for my daughter, pouches and mobile holders for me and friends and this time I am doing a pair of shoes for my friend's 2-month old daughter. I am enjoying it. Glory to God!

Dear God,

Thank you for all the things that you've given me. For all the opportunities and privileges you have opened for me. I know you have a good plan for my life. I pray for your healing, heal me with these sicknesses. Forgive me of all my sins and help me with my weaknesses.

Lord, sustain me for my family especially for my daughter. I want to see her grow and help in raising her. Let your good plan be accomplished in her life and help me witness it.

I know you love me and I love You too Jesus.


I commit everything into Your hands, in Your Mighty name, amen.


The truth in the Bible
04.04.14 (1:59 pm)   [edit]

I've been thinking about this and thought of some members of my family who are struggling about this matter. I love my family. And as a woman with a Christian faith, i should remind them.

While the world accepts homosexuality as a normal thing in this generation, we should be reminded that the Bible clearly stated – God created Adam and Eve. 

Matthew 19:4-5, Jesus reaffirms this: "He answered, ‘Have you not read that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one’?

God is  perfect. He didn't make mistake in His creation. If there is someone who made mistake, it is us whom He created.  

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 - "Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

Revelation 21:8 - But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.

God is JUST and PERFECT. And when He loves His people perfectly, we also expect a perfect judgment from HIM. There are only 2 options where we can spend eternity – IN HEAVEN or IN HELL. The choice is ours!

The bible teaches the truth. It encourages, it uplifts one's spirit and it rebukes. We love words that tickles the ears, 'coz it'll always make us feel good. But don't reject the other truth.

The BIBLE is GOD'S WORD, NOT A MENU where you pick what you want and reject what you don't. 
God loves His people and He's giving us a lot of chances to repent. Do not miss the chance. God's word is certain Hebrews 9:27 Just as people are destined to die once, and after that to face judgment.

09.28.13 (4:39 pm)   [edit]

Few more days and i will be a certified mother. I can't wait to see my baby. I am so excited!!!

There's a joy in my heart that i can't describe. What i know is that i am happy.. very happy. I was married on December 8, 2012 and on February 3 this year, i found out i was pregnant. It wasn't easy but i thanked God for enabling me endure the difficulties of being pregnant by putting joy and excitement in my heart as i wait for the birth of the life He entrusted me.

I'm so thankful and feel so blessed. There are trials, yes. But i have seen God's loving hands work all throughout. He is faithful. I can't thank Him enough. He blessed my job and i have seen His favor in everything that i do. He had increased me in all aspects - SPIRITUALLY, FINANCIALLY, PHYSICALLY :D The Lord is good.

Dear God,

Thank You. Truly, You are faithful even at times, i am not. I just wanna hug You, dance with You and just be in Your presence. I know, soon i will see You face to face. And as i wait for that day, may You find me faithful, serving You.

Lord, thank You for all the privileges and opportunities You have opened for me. Give me wisdom to accomplish and execute responsibly the task You entrusted me. A good mom.. a good Christian mom to my future children... A good wife to my husband.

Help me to be a blessing to my husband and not a curse and let me be loyal to his leadership as you enable Him to be a good Spiritual leader to us, his family. Draw us closer to You as You draw us closer to each other. Ignite the love that is in our hearts and help us to be faithful to each other.

Lord, i don't know the trials we'll be facing, but i pray, bind us together with Your love. Let nothing in this world will separate us but only death, In Jesus name. Help us remain faithful and stay strongly in-loved with each other as we grow older.

Lord, open good opportunities for my husband. Reveal Your plan into His life. And help him respond positively into Your calling. In his weaknesses Be his strength. Make him a good father to our future children. Give him heavenly wisdom in everything that he do. Prosper our family as You have promised - Jeremiah 29:11

Thank You, Lord because i know You have already an answer to my prayers. And i will just patiently wait until all are answered. You are good. And i will entrust everything into Your hands, with the faith that You want the best for us and that You have called us here on earth for a good purpose. Even my near delivery of this baby in my womb Lord, i know You're with me and with the baby. Thank you for the safe and normal delivery.

I commit all these into Your hands, In Jesus' name, amen.

I am 32 and pregnant with my first baby
02.11.13 (12:28 pm)   [edit]

I was having all these pains in my body for two weeks, so I decided to go for a check-up. I thought I got Urinary tract infection. The fact that I was just married last year of Dec. 8, 2012 will not give me an Idea that I am pregnant. I am irregular, so it didn’t bother me even when I missed my period for a month.  And at the same time, people have been telling that it’ll be difficult for a woman to bear a child when only get married at 30s.

The doctor checked my urine, for infection and for some reasons that I don’t know, when I told the doctor that I missed my period for month of January, she also did pregnancy test,  my husband was there with me.

At last, after almost 3 hours of waiting my name was called. The doctor hand me the result. I read…normal… normal… normal.. normal…. Then positive… I thought I was positive of urinary tract infection [ha ha ha] The doctor then told me that I was pregnant and I was really shocked and surprised. Then the doctor said, aren’t  you glad? I came back to my senses! I said, of course, I am, it’s just that I am not expecting it. The doctor said, it's 3 weeks. Based it on my last period.

I told my husband, but I saw no reaction at all! I only see a sleepy eyes and tired face on him, i understood.. until we got to the taxi, then I have seen his real emotion. He was so happy that he called all his friends and told that he will soon be a dad.

I am happy. Well, bit worried and afraid but looking at my still small belly will ease every negative thoughts that I have. God is faithful and I know He knows what is inside my heart. The baby inside my womb is God’s miracle, and that’s my belief and faith. God is good.

Countdown begins
11.30.12 (4:12 pm)   [edit]
Counting the days.. Few more days and bye singleness.  

Mix emotions. Excitement and fear. Excited of what'll going to happen on that day but also afraid of what life awaits after. Will it be like the ending of every fairy tale stories, -.. and they lived happily ever after? I know it's not! There will be mountains like turmoils, sorrows and of course there will also be happiness. And praying that whatever misunderstanding, we'll be facing we'll go back to the day where we both agree to live and be with each other's side in sickness, in health and for better or for worst.

God will help. 



I want to delete my Photo here
09.01.12 (5:10 pm)   [edit]

How can i delete my Photo here???? 

Please help... I want to delete my photo.

08.15.12 (10:50 am)   [edit]

Sometimes... people exist but you just can't feel they really do. ............

I can't feel my worth.

If only...
03.13.12 (3:24 pm)   [edit]

…. Words that has been rattling my brain all throughout. Regrets… Ashame… Self-pity. I feel sorry for myself. But I can’t undo whatever is done. I was expecting this to happen but I just realized that I am not yet prepared for it. And it happened. Admittedly, it was my fault. And there is no one to be blamed other than myself. Now I am hurting. And there’s nothing that I could do but cry and endure until all the pains.. heartaches .. sighs.. and let the tears fall until angst will disappear from my heart.

How many times did I fail? How many times did I make any move that I regret at the end? How many times did I fall to a wrong person? They say, experienced makes you wiser, maybe for some but for me, still stupid as I was. I never learned the lesson gained through experienced.

Nostalgia lingers and loneliness creeps within the bones. And though time won’t heal the brokenness of my heart, surely as time goes by, every pain i feel this time will vanish. The only thing that I could do now is to accept that it ends… and everything has its end, for me to let go. And maybe, time to face whatever God has in store for me. I just have one prayer in my heart that is, may God won’t let me be with someone I am not really sure of. Coz’ I don’t wanna regret again next time.

Love is sacrifice
01.19.12 (2:57 am)   [edit]
From time to time, we all feel disappointments with our lives and perhaps the people in them. We start questioning our daily routines; a sense of loneliness touches our hearts, and wonder what life is really all about. 

There maybe times in our life when we make tough decisions, set aside our own happiness & rather think of what goodness will it creates to one's life. It seems unfair and eventually crushes our hearts into pieces but we choose to follow the right thing, to realize that life is not at all living for our own but also living for others.

Sometimes, it made me think why should i let myself get hurt? Why do we need to sacrifice our own happiness? Why not just think about ourselves? But until we learn to love not just ourselves but others then we will know the real meaning of love. 

Love is not at all about our feelings. It's all about how it affects other's lives. 
It's all about sacrifice. So if i suffer because i've loved then i must suffer. That's how i define love. Love is sacrifice.

11.10.11 (11:10 pm)   [edit]
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

One step at a time
08.20.11 (12:33 am)   [edit]
When something seems
Too hard to handle
Too big to conquer
Too far away to touch
When all your dreams 
Begin to shatter
And deep inside you
You're hurtin', Oh, so much
That's when it's time to say
I'm climbing my mountain, step by step
I'm climbing my mountain, day by day
I'm climbing my mountain, all the way
I'm climbing my mountain
I'm gonna make it
One step at a time
One step at a time
One step at a time
With Jesus by my side
One step at a time
One step at a time
I'm climbing my mountain
One step at a time
Even though you might grow weary
Don't be discouraged
In our weakness God is strong
Remember this, He'l never leave you
He won't forsake you
He's your strength and He's your song
So sing and start to say.... 
Repeat refrain and chorus
In the morning i woke up worried but with a prayer in my heart
Then this song entered my mind. The only lyrics that i can remember is
I'm climbing my mountain day by day. And i can't even remember the title.
When i reached office i tried to Google it. And there you are i found the title.
Then i checked youtube for the song to found out that there are other songs with this title.
Atlast! i found it!!  
Emo moment! I'm having problems... sometimes even questioning God.
But God is good, although i am struggling this time.. even though i always ask God WHY?
I still have the faith that during these stormy days, I am not alone because He is with me.
Uncertain of what is going to happen, i know He'll never let me down. 
Problems after problems... but with faith in my heart and God by my side.. I will not waiver.
God will help me and rescue where i am now. He'll never leave me.. He won't forsake me.
That's my faith. God is good.

It's nice to be nice
07.26.10 (2:16 pm)   [edit]

It's nice to be nice

A thought i won't forget

Taught to me 5 years back.

Because of these words

I learned to smile

To people who uttered nasty words at my back

Because of these words

I was able to forgive people Who fooled me.

But most of all

Because of these words

I can still pray for forgiveness,

aim for friendship to people who made me cry,

And still think of what goodness can i share

To people who ridiculed me at my worst.

It's really nice to be nice.

05.29.10 (1:09 pm)   [edit]


It’s killing me.




When will it end?


I don’t wanna get hurt…

So stupid…

Doubled stupidity..

Triple stupidity..

That’s me..


I’m putting myself into a chaotic life

Can I blame it to this heart?

I never ever learned the lessons of the past.


I don’t want to take risk…

But am so afraid to let go.

Can anyone, help me here?


My mind needs enlightenment

I got hurt,

Thinking that this will just end into nothing


Whew! Help me God.

Bangkok Chaos
05.22.10 (8:12 am)   [edit]

The protest that initially thought to be peaceful took lot of lives, left thousands of people jobless. The beautiful sight of malls in the area turned into ashes. The peaceful image now turned to be horrific.

Scary as I describe. I witnessed the trouble the country is experiencing. I’m scared because I am in the area.

I remember last Thursday afternoon, May 12, 2010. I left the office early to fetch my sister who’s working near the rally site. As we were walking back to my apartment, the red shirt yelled at those armies who were on the road at that moment. They were not scared. I can’t avoid myself in the thought of “are these people on drugs?” Are they not afraid that these armies would shoot them? I grab my sister’s hand and ran from where they are.

The next day, Friday, May 13, 2010, my sister wasn’t able to go to work, there were no busses passing along the area. There were many armies too, checking people who passed on the road at that moment. She was with me in the office when her boss phoned her and was so mad to her for not coming to work. Selfish boss, he just thought of the money he will gain and never even think of the welfare of his employees. By the way, the company am working with is just 5 minutes walk from my apartment. So it’s okay for me to come. I won’t pass through what they call dangerous road, anyway, unlike her.

Saturday morning, my sister walked from our place to her work area. On that same day, in the afternoon, I went to my friend’s place in Prakanong. There were no busses and definitely, I can’t go there by foot. I took a motorcycle. I wrapped my face with purple scarf. No red colors….. As I passed going out of the area, I felt scared. I can’t imagine my sister walking.. passing through all the barb wires.. tires blocked in the middle of the road and many gun man ready to fire anytime. As the motorcycle passed through the checkpoint area, an army pointed at us. The driver slowed down, my heart pounds so hard and am about to take out my passport from my bag, but the army passed the motorcycle where I rode and arrested the man with a red print on his shirt at my back. I was relieved.

The area was divided into two. From Ratchaprasong [Central world] – Indra are for red shirts. The area of Soi Nana – Makassan is for pro-government. That’s how I perceived and according to what I observed.

Monday, May 17, 2010, the tension was increased. From Prakanong [I slept there for 2 nights] I sent my sister to her workplace. It was safe to pass through Sukhumvit road, except Asok. Public vehicles like bus cannot enter the area. So we walked from Asok BTS to Sukhumvit 3-Soi Nana, where she worked. There were armies along the road. Going to my workplace is so dangerous. No “Tuktuk” and taxi are brave enough to enter the area. They said its “antalay” dangerous. And it was raining that time. I saw a motorcycle driver and asked him if he can send me to Petchburi Soi 19. At first he resisted but because I pleaded, he then agreed. We crossed Petchburi Road and passed through Makkassan area. I thought it was safe but like Pechburi Road there were many tires and barb wires blocked on the road, too. The driver enters through the small streets in that area. It was tough. When we were on the street opposite Indra he was so hesitant to pass through it. He said it’s war zone but thanks God he was convinced by the lad who was there standing at that moment. Finally, I reached the office safe & saw my 2 colleagues waiting outside. I went to the office to answer calls from clients abroad asking about the situation here.

Wednesday was the worst, the street going to Petchburi 21 and 19 were blocked. My colleague relayed that they poured gasoline on the road in front of Platinum Fashion mall. I went there to see, a sack overlaying the bridge [overpass] and a sacks of sand blocked the road. They used it as barrier to prevent people or motorcycle to pass through it. I didn’t stay there for long. Some people along the area are on the streets including me waiting of what will going to happen next. While sitting, bored and scared, I heard a sound like a bomb [actually, it’s not] in Dindaeng, then I saw a thick black smoke. Then after an hour they said a 7-11 was burned. The area was covered with smoke until evening time. It was about 12 midnight when I went to the bathroom & i smell tires burned. My eyes were swollen.

In the morning the news spread that Central World, Big C, Siam and some Kasikorn Banks were burned. People who did this are heartless, never thought of people who are affected and suffer because of this evil deed. “They don’t know what they are doing.” Oh- how evil….

At 2:30AM I was awakened by a phone call from a client abroad. She’s telling me about the news she watched on TV. She asked about our situation. I remember 3 weeks ago; she phoned and asked if it’s safe to come to Bangkok. I said “YES”, not knowing that this thing will happen. After talking to her, I just realized how dreadful my area is. I couldn’t sleep well, thinking of many “what if’s”. I became paranoid. I am the only Filipino staying in this apartment. My sister was in Laos & I didn’t allow her to come to this area.

Until now, the smoke, the smell of the burned things can hardly leave my nerves. They were like a gum stick on my nose.

Since Tuesday, the convenient stores in this area are closed. And only few vendors selling food outside can be seen. 

For people who are seeking for safe refuge and left this area because of what is happening, I still believe that there is no safer place than to be in the arms of God.

Jz sharing
04.28.10 (10:47 am)   [edit]

Last night after reading the Bible...
i prayed to God. I got a lot of things in my hearts.
I told God my complaints..
my anger....
my fears...
My worries.

There are times in my life
when i'm asking him, if He's listening.
I thought He's not there

After i told God all my heart's desire
with broken heart
i slept thinking that at that very moment
He's holding my hands

I know He did
I know He's there
But sometimes, i doubt
I know that He feels sad when He sees doubt in me.

In The morning i was awakened
by a beep from my phone
It says on the message "LOVE YOU JEN"

While wondering where the message came from,
Because i'm not familiar with the sender's name
I realized God's love for me

Yes, there are those times when i felt
i am unloved, i thought nobody cares.

The message i received was a reminder
That God loves me.
That He cares for me.

When i came to the office
That was the only time
I came to know where the message came from.
It came from a friend from US
Whom i haven't seen for 4 years
I never even have a communication with her for a long time.

Yes, God loves me.
He uses people to remind me
That He is there.
That He loves me.
That He cares with my burden.

He knows my heart
And He'll never leave me nor forsake me
No matter what happens.

Thanks ate Myla for the message.
It touches my heart. God bless you!

A letter to my Boss
02.20.10 (12:51 pm)   [edit]

I posted this letter to Kalinga Tambayan 28 May 2008.

Dear God,

Thank you for the privilege you’ve given me to work with you. You didn’t require me for any high education to be employed, or of any qualifications for me to be qualified. But instead, you’ve accepted me, for whoever I am. You might not give me the literal salary which I am receiving from my boss in the company I am working with. But, God you are the Best Boss I ever had. I never had any demerit working with you, instead everything is a merit. You’ve appreciated everything that I have done. Whether, it’s perfect or imperfect one. My boss on earth might utter harsh words against me whenever i made mistake on the task assigned for me to do. He might even terminate me from my job if he’s not satisfied with my endeavor. But you o, God is a perfect boss. You’ve always understand my every imperfection. You’ve help me understand the things I’m doing for you. You’ve gently showed me the steps of the things that I supposed to do. You’ve taught me to be humble that even the small task and not so special to appreciate that I’ve made, you called it noble. To all my disappointments on the things I made erroneously, instead of getting angry, you even cheer me up and help me understand that I am not perfect. I’m enjoying myself working with you. Thank you God, that you are my Boss. My invisible yet, all knowing Boss.


With love,


Emote.. Emote..
02.19.10 (8:07 pm)   [edit]
Sometimes it's really hard to comprehend life. It's full of surprises. It will either make you happy or sad. You will always guess what will going to happen next. It's complex because when you're happy Means a sadness to others heart. When you succeed means others defeat You need to be sad so others be happy When you're in-loved someone is also broken heart. Why can't people experience or feel what others feel? Why do we need to sacrifice for someone to be save? Why do we need to suffer, so others be better? Really, life is so hard to comprehend..

My Fear
01.13.10 (5:45 pm)   [edit]

I am in a deep thinking. Suffered sleepless nights when you came.


Am I going to do once again a poem expressing how I feel?


I don’t know. I am confused.


When I said I’ll think about it


I just want you to be sure of how you feel.


When I said I will wait


I just want God to move freely in your life.


And show you His will.


I want to change and I want you to change.


If you see me this time


If you see the changes in my life


Will you still love me?


When you see me so busy working with the kids


In the church, don’t you feel bored?


You said, my church is the reason why we parted 5 years ago


Then, you repeated that same words when we talked 4 days ago.


Are there any changes in you?


Or will I wait God to move in your life?


Am not asking you to be perfect


Coz I too, am not perfect


The only thing I want from you


is to see you being in-loved with God.


To be honest with you


I still love you


The only thing that hinders me to say


is a fear that maybe I will again fail


I am afraid to do the same mistakes I made.


Anyway, if we are meant to be


God will make a way.


Honestly, I got hurt every time I think you are not the one



Coz I still have the feeling for you.


Whoa! I am really confused. I am holding on with my emotions.


Because I am afraid, that the next time I will write things in this blog


maybe, it’ll be again concerning my broken heart


which I don’t want it to happen again.


So this time with just a prayer that whatever is going to happen


It is God, who is in action.


I don’t want you to read this.


I never intended to write, for you to know what I really felt this time.


I don’t want to get hurt


I don’t want to create pains in your heart.


I know tomorrow will not be the same as today


And tomorrow’s event is uncertain


But I want to entrust God this feeling.


There will be changes


There might be heartaches, I don’t know.


Who knows? Only God.


God’s will prevail in our life.

In Christian POV, can a divorce man or woman remarry?
11.14.09 (6:57 pm)   [edit]

I’ve been on this thought for a month. A bit confused and i  don’t understand if answer had been acquired. Seeing people in this situation, maybe even people who say are Christians made me really confused about the answer. I watched the movie “fireproof” I really like it. This movie is for people who were married and to people who are planning to get married. I’m one of those people “planning to get married” although right now am not in any relationship and still waiting for God’s perfect will in my life. What made me think a lot is the part of the story where the man [I forgot the name] confessed he had been married before and the woman he with at present is his second wife.


Here’s a thought: In Matthew 19:9


“I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”


In a bible study, we tackled this topic. I cited a situation to the Evangelist for me to be clarified about the answer. I said what if the couples were not Christian before, then after the divorced they came to know God. Certainly, they can’t go back to their partners anymore since they are married to a new wife or husband and were again blessed with both kids on both sides.


Here’s his answer. They must separate their new partners because God honors only the first marriage.


I don’t know how to explain. I’ve been searching for the answer from the Bible. To justify Christian people who were in this situation. But I found it really so difficult to comprehend and I am confuse.


I don’t know people’s suffering in this situation. I can’t share their pains but a heartfelt empathy on the situation and on what they’ve been through.


I am single. I was never been married. I am not also into any relationship now but I believe time comes, when I will also be married. And with God’s doubled protection and guidance that I am praying, may God forbid divorce or separation into my future relationship. I know the feeling of a broken heart for boyfriend and girlfriend relationship, I’ve experienced it. It pierced the heart. How much more can a divorce husband or wife feels when in this situation.


For people who are hurt with this article, please, forgive me. I did not write this to judge and I don’t want to judge because I, too, am not perfect. I got a lot of frailties and I don’t deserve HIM. But God is a loving Father and He forgives and forgets our infirmities.


I am confuse. Can anyone help me understand Matthew 19:9.


Proverbs 31:10-31
11.10.09 (1:03 pm)   [edit]

10An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.

12She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life. 

13She looks for wool and flax
And works with her hands in delight. 

14She is like merchant ships;
She brings her food from afar.

15She rises also while it is still night
And gives food to her household
And portions to her maidens. 

16She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard. 

17She girds herself with strength
And makes her arms strong. 

18She senses that her gain is good;
Her lamp does not go out at night.

19She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hands grasp the spindle. 

20She extends her hand to the poor,
And she stretches out her hands to the needy. 

21She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
For all her household are clothed with scarlet. 

22She makes coverings for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple. 

23Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.

24She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies belts to the tradesmen. 

25Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future. 

26She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. 

27She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness. 

28Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying: 

29"Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all." 

30Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

31Give her the product of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates. 


"I want to be this woman."


Chapters in Life
08.08.09 (2:47 pm)   [edit]

In my script writing subject during my college days, i learned that there are kinds of ending in a story. One, a happy ending story. A good example of a happy ending story is the movie "Pursuit of happiness". Second, Tragic ending which the main character in the story dies or if not the main character suffers a lot and didn't succeed on the story. And the third one is an open ending story. This story end-up with readers puzzled on how or what happened to the main character. Did they live happily ever after? or were they not able to make it to the end? For me, I don't want a story that ends with an open ending. Or a story with a tragic ending. I always want a happy ending.

Each day of our journey in this so-called life is a story. We are the script writer of our own story and i believe we don't want to end it tragically or open-ending.

Sometimes, i thought that life always ends with tragic. Because, we all die and that is really a heartbreaking to people we will leave behind.

Well, i'm not talking here about my faith and belief that after death on Earth, their is still life in heaven. So if you live a life faithful to God, repent from all your sinful doings then you'll surely have a happy life with Jesus. And that is an unending happiness . And i do love that.

Meanwhile, the story that i want to impart is about the earthly life. Each story of our life has chapters and every chapter has its ending. It can be open-ending, happy or tragic one. The first chapter of my life i consider is when i was still inside my mother's womb. There are lot of trials my mom suffered during that time, even a thought of aborting me [my mom still not a Christian that time] but thanks God chapter one ended of me crying while people surrounding me are smiling, when i had finally born. That's a nice ending, men. :)

I’ve grown to be like a normal kid like others. But in the course of my early childhood, 6or 7 or 8 or 9, I can’t remember. I thought of committing suicide [There is a reason of course, why that thought comes into my mind]. My parents, sisters and friends don’t know anything. And I never told anyone about this. YES, I was standing staring at a pesticide used by my father in our farm. And I thought of drinking it. At that age, I know that if I will drink of it, I will surely die. But God is so good, my sister arrived and I just pointed her that bottle, but she didn’t understand what I’m talking. At my early age, still not a teenager, I had curse God and whenever I remember, I’m on my knees asking God for forgiveness. I know God had forgiven me.

Our school is near the river. No gates, no guards. Btw, I grew-up in the village. One afternoon, instead of me going to school, I went to swim. I can’t remember who’s friend I am with that time. I was under the bridge swimming. It’s deep. I spent my day swimming and swimming until in the late afternoon and I found myself drowning. There were also kids that time swimming. I’m shouting a name asking for help but she can’t hear me. I was helpless, until my sister who was fortunately at the bridge saw me. She ran to where I am and saved me. [I felt crying this time as am writing this.] What a life I had before. That was during my Elementary years. Thanks God, I was still alive, so happy ending again, right?

Next chapter is during my high school years. Well, so embarrassing to share but it’s my past. I was 15 years old when I had my 1st boyfriend. Both of our parents are against it. One more thing, his parents doesn’t want me because as what people said I am a “Kalinga”. I don’t know how to explain this. But that is their reason ‘kuno’ in not wanting me for their son. Well, let it be. By the way, i belong to the top 10 honor student during my elementary & high school. I have been also granted with scholarship - free tuition fee. This program is for POOR but DESERVING student “daw”. I can’t believe I was. Hahaha! But I am not really that good. It’s just by the grace of God that I was favored with such scholarship program. So that chapter ended up with two endings, a tragic and happy ending one.

Next chapter…College years… wow! Many things happened. Actually, I didn’t enter college immediately after graduation. I remember taking an entrance examination in a certain school. With free half tuition-fee because I was on the top ten ranks in the class. But my mom refused because they cannot afford it. My older brother and sister were also in college that time. I should take-up Physical Therapy but my parents cannot afford it. I stopped for one year. When my brother graduated that’s the only time I enrolled. I took Mass Communication course. And during my first year, I had a hard time adjusting myself with the new environment and with people I am with. Worst, I was being ridiculed by my relatives. There are lots of things they are telling people against us and I don’t even understand because it’s all about our grandparents. About properties and I don’t know. Ei, we are poor and we don’t have any properties. And am not even interested with whatever they are talking that time. I was also been ridiculed because my parents are poor. And people who ridiculed me are my relatives. Whatta life! Anyway, after 2 years in a certain university, I transferred to another school. It’s a Dominican school. I applied for a scholarship and fortunately, I was granted with full free tuition fee. God is gracious really. That aside from being a scholar, a kind-hearted person had helped me with my studies. I finished my Bachelor degree. And I was about to enroll 6 months caregiver program, a kind hearted person wants to send me to Canada. That person is so eager to help me, until I discovered something. I won’t write here. Sorry, some other time. Well, this started my struggles, problems, heartaches and so many things. Until, I encountered GOD. He takes me out from that situation I am facing. By the way, am a Christian by WORDS ONLY since childhood but I had the real encounter with him when I was 24. Well, I professed I was a Christian but I was easily swayed. I just realized now I was not a real Christian that time. So this chapter of my life ends up like an open ending.

I got an opportunity to work in Thailand, that at first I was hesitant. Because of a ministry I was involved-in way back in the Philippines.I was also struggling emotionally with something. And i wanted to be away.. so far away and here comes the opportunity but still hesitant? I am working in an Advertising company that time in the Philippines. I’m having a hard time with that job. My life circulated only with office, house and only church during Sundays. I don’t have any fun time. And sometimes, I spent most of my time in the office, 24 hours because of that accounting work which I am the only one doing it. Then, to add more pressure to it, with a boss who doesn’t know to appreciate your work. That he always shouts at you, embarrass you with many people. Sorry, sir I know you’ve change. And I don’t have any grudge here in my heart. All things were left in the past. And you are forgiven. He he he! By the way, i take this opportunity to say sorry that I just left the office without even saying bye bye to you!

So, this work in Thailand opened-up. I was the music team leader in a particular Church in the Philippines that time. [haha! You are surprised I was the Worship leader, so I can sing.. Hahahaha] Nope, I must admit I’m not that good in singing but I have the heart to serve God that’s why I was appointed to be the leader in that music ministry. So to end up that long story, my Pastor released me. He said, wherever I will be if I have the heart to serve God then I will still serve Him wherever I am. So now, I’m here.

In a twist with the difficult situation I had with my boss in the Philippines, God had given me a Christian boss, a boss who knows how to consider my feelings. And I was so thankful in this area. On the other hand, I thought I was freed from these emotional difficulties I left in the Philippines but I wasn’t. Still the pains heartaches seems followed me & doesn't want to leave me.

This chapter of my life hasn’t end and still uncertain of what will come next. But I trust God, He will put a HAPPY ENDING in my story.

05.18.09 (7:20 pm)   [edit]

Yay! It has been more than a month since i visited my blog. A bit busy of so many activities. I've read all my blog entries i just can't avoid myself smiling at all those experiences i have wrote. Hahaha! Now, they've all come to past. It's not that i already get over from it, but the thought of having been freed from the "ghost" of my past, made me feel good. Atlast, i now wake-up from the delusion that had been setting-aside the priorities i have had in my life.

Now this is the truth. I can't take back the past nor i can go back to what had passed. Heartaches and pains of the past are gradually fading from heart. I have had more time for my family this time. I've went home last April and have seen that i still have my family who love me and who will never leave me no matter what. I still don't have my family of my own, but i have my parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, who've showed much loved and care that i am longing for. They've brought back the hopes and happiness that in a while have taken from my heart. 

Children's Church Ministry

Am now quite busy and happy leading songs with the kids on Sundays in the church. And even more active in involving myself in ministering the Shri Lankan kids with my friends.


Shri Lankan Kids - Community service

God is a good God. Though, sometimes we couldn't understand the ways of God's are but as time passess-by, we will soon come to know why He lets things to happen that way. And we'll come to realize that He is the author of this life. So wherever He leads us, it is His best and perfect plan for us.  Am happy and thankful of how God moved into my life. And i know he's not done with me yet.





Finding the right person
02.07.09 (6:25 pm)   [edit]

We all have our ideal partners. We set qualities and qualifications of the partner we want to be with for life.


We used our senses in looking for partners and feelings can never be absent in love. But how do you know that the one you have now is the right person? Come to think of it, on the first relationship you had you thought, it was him. Second and third and even up to ten relationships yet still it all failed. Apparently, the right person hasn’t come yet. You get tired of seeking. You’ve been in chaos searching for the right one.


Most of us, we based love through our feelings. And emotions falter. In the bible concept, it says in “John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave us His only son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.” God chose to love us.


Some of the reasons why we failed are wrong decision, too excited to be in a relationship and no complacency. People desire all things. He looks for things that her partner doesn’t possess and ended up looking for another new love sensation. The problem I see in this situation is that self-seeking. We tried to focus on our own interest not minding the need of our partners. We must also be sensitive enough to discern the needs of our partner. 


You got into a relationship then after a few weeks or months your love seems fading. I learned that in a relationship, some time in your life you wanted to be on your own. You get wretched seeing your partner everyday and you wanted to drive him away. I believe married couples are experiencing this too. You feel so unhappy with the relationship and love seems just blown away. Situation doesn’t seem to be in-order anymore. Undoubtedly, relationship is undermined when we focused haphazardly to the circumstances. And if you base your love with emotion it will not succeed. Relationship tangled with feelings alone is vulnerable.


I can hardly put myself in the situation of finding the right person at this moment for I am exposed or would I say I was always into a broken relationship. Actually, the main reason I saw with my failure is I hurried into a relationship because of fear to be alone. And now, to all the failed relationship I had, I am now afraid to be in a relationship again. Sounds silly but that’s the reality.  


Finding the right one doesn’t literally mean looking for the person that fits all your preferred qualities of a partner. They might be the total opposite of your ideal partner. But try to take the risk, take a chance and make a change. The partner you have right now might not your ideal partner but do not look on what your partner doesn’t possess instead try to love them for who they are. Because that’s what a real love mean. Love taught by God, an unconditional love. And when situation becomes confusing, pray to God. Work out the relationship. Feelings can just fade anytime. Remember, heart is deceitful. Use your reasoning. It might somehow helpful in saving a relationship.


Love.. Love.. and love is the foundation of strong and successful relationship. God had showed His example of love to us through His son Jesus. God is the author of love.


Sometimes, getting into a relationship again seems so difficult if you have been always gone through many disappointments. But we must always remember that God didn’t allowed us to go through these situation without a purpose. Pains, difficulties and heartaches are God’s way of refining us to become pure.

A poem for you
02.05.09 (1:14 pm)   [edit]

Why my heart does beats so fast

Seeing your name

Made me so glad

Is that what they call love?


Hands get cold

As I made a poem

I wonder if you are alone

Is that what they call magic of love?


Time passes by

Missing your sweet smile

All I can do

Is to think of you for a while


Thinking of you all day long

Made me sleepless all night long

Is this what they call love?

Or it is only an admiration.


If this is love

Please gaze at my heart

‘Cause every time it beats

 It’s you that in it.

01.27.09 (5:23 pm)   [edit]
Ate Jane photo shoot

If there's a sunset

There's always a sunrise

There's always a hope for a bright future.

God will heal my broken heart

I believe in that.

God knows what am going through

He loves me more than i do

With unconditional love human cannot give

A perfect love that comes from above.